We are socialized to see what is wrong, missing, off, to tear down the ideas of others and uplift our own. To a certain degree, our entire future may depend on learning to listen, listen without assumptions or defenses. –adrienne maree brown

Last night, Brandon and I attended the Lake Wales City Council meeting. We heard that the Pride Proclamation was taken off the agenda and would not be read at the meeting. We went to show our support for the LGBTQIA community in Lake Wales. We renewed some connections and made new ones. Most impactful, though, was the process of listening.

At the beginning of the meeting, a proclamation was read. It was one that supports “responsible fatherhood”. It had some good points, but also some assumptions that I didn’t find to be based on a truthful understanding of what “family” is and can be.

As I listened to those from the LGBTQIA community speak, I learned that they were not asking that the Fatherhood Proclamation not be read, they were asking that the Pride Proclamation also be read, stating that it’s elimination only supports alienation and discrimination of the LGBTQIA community, undermining efforts to unify the community and uplift the beauty of diversity.

As I listened to the “other side”, I heard words like “abomination”, “God’s will”, “marriage is only between a man and a woman”, and someone near me whispered to her neighbor “evil”. What I learned is that they are seemingly not willing to listen without assumptions or defenses, as brown suggests we should in the quote above. What I concluded from the words they spoke is that “they” have no desire to share the space or to share power, only to discriminate and use their power to eliminate.

This is not to say that I (nor anyone else, but I am not them and will not speak for anyone else) was able to listen without assumptions or defenses. Indeed, I experience all sorts of defensive emotions when I hear discrimination, fear, and hatred pouring out of the mouths around me. But in the words actually spoken out loud to the city council, it was obvious that those in support of the Pride Proclamation were seeking unification for the entire community and those opposed were seeking only to unite with those that had the same religious beliefs and heteronormative lifestyles that they did.

The City of Lake Wales was asked to make a decision– to put the Pride Proclamation on the agenda for their next meeting in two weeks. I hope they can model the ways in which a community can move forward, supporting all of its citizens, proclaiming that everyone has a right to freedom, safety, and respect.

What can we do? We can show up to support and to let it be known that there are many of us who believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. I also have a dream that we, as the UUCL community, can begin to work on and model ways of listening that can hear the ideas of others. This situates us in an active hope, one that actually sees and feels the changes that happen in reciprocal, respectful relationships. It allows for us to learn new skills and to take them out into the world to teach others. I do believe that our entire future may depend on it.