Day 1, UULent, Resilience
Wikipedia defines resilience as “… the ability to cope mentally or emotionally with a crisis or to return to pre-crisis status quickly.” Oxford languages says resilience is “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”
But I have to ask, if you survive a crisis, can you really return to pre-crisis status? Given that a crisis will absolutely change you, what do they mean by returning to pre-crisis “status”? Also, does the ability to withstand difficulties make you tough? Ew, I don’t really like that word. Starts to get a bit too close to a toxic masculinity that doesn’t allow for vulnerability and the expression of emotions.
So yeah, to be honest, I struggle with this word, “resilience”. For a long time, through a very stressful and abusive marriage, working two jobs, and raising a daughter, people thought I was resilient (I kept hearing this word). People watched me continue to show up with a smile on my face and the energy to keep going no matter what else was going on. I think I thought I was resilient enough to handle it all. In reality, I was not allowing myself to rest or to process what was happening to me. I was in a place of distress for years, yet on the surface appeared to be resilient, “tough”. Being resilient enough to maintain the status quo and to get through my day to day activities was actually really unhealthy. But maybe resilience means something else.
I woke up this morning thinking about this word of the day and I wondered if there wasn’t a better way to understand it. I thought, in order to be resilient, there must be some characteristics that we need to embody first. What are the skills it takes to be resilient? I found a few different answers.
Resilience is made up of five pillars: Self Awareness, Mindfulness, Self Care, Positive Relationships and Purpose. https://www.feelinggoodmn.org/what-we-do/bounce-back-project-/5-pillars-of-resilience/
Dr Ginsburg, child paediatrician and human development expert, proposes that there are 7 integral and interrelated components that make up being resilient – competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control. https://cbtprofessionals.com.au/the-7-cs-of-resilience/
Research shows that highly resilient people tend to possess three common traits: acceptance, purpose, and flexibility. https://nickwignall.medium.com/3-traits-of-highly-resilient-people
As always, I’m curious to know what all of you think! In the meantime, here’s a picture of a mighty oak, survivor of many hurricanes. As it ages and weathers the storms, it loses branches and I have to trim it. But it remains a thing of beauty, providing shade on my deck and a place for the birds to land, the owls to hoot from, the squirrels a playground and place to nest.