This Sunday is Easter, and thus the end of our #UULent word a day spiritual practice. I really appreciate having a word- a feeling, an idea, an experience- to contemplate daily. Today’s word is “doubt”. This word feels a bit more challenging than some, but I suppose that is the point of the Christian Holy Week before rejoicing in the Resurrection.

When I think of doubt in the context of my personal theology, I know it plays a big part. But I embrace that. I hope to never become too sure of what I can’t possibly know. I appreciate these two quotes in relation to my theological stance:

“The problem with certainty is that it is static; it can do little but endlessly reassert itself. Uncertainty, by contrast, is full of unknowns, possibilities, and risks.”

― Stephen Batchelor, Confession of a Buddhist Atheist

“Expressing doubt is how we begin a journey to discover essential truths.”

― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

When I go about my daily morning tasks– making the coffee, watering the plants, feeding the animals, checking the birdfeeders, taking a quiet moment on my back deck– I put doubt in the context of living and finding the motivation to make the most of each day. I realize that perhaps one of the reasons that I enjoy listening to the birds in the morning is because there is often no doubt in their songs. With surety they sing in this springtime, proclaiming that this is their day, their part of the Earth, where they will nest and bring about new life. I water my flowers and think about all the plants I’ve failed to keep alive. But yet, I keep acquiring new ones because I know that at some point I will be successful in nurturing life and its beauty in my yard. I must hold onto the hope of being a life-giver!

Life wasn’t about doubt, because if it was, we’d never get anything done.”

― Aishabella Sheikh, Jungle Princess

And in the context of justice, I know that if I let doubt hold me back from taking action, that I am letting injustice get a stronger footing. We must work even harder than those who so easily reign with cruelty and inhumanity. From one of the books I’ve had to read this semester:

The human spirit glows from that small inner light of doubt whether we are right, while those who believe with certainty that they possess the right are dark inside and darken the world outside with cruelty, pain, and injustice.”

― Saul Alinsky, Rules for Radicals: A Pragmatic Primer for Realistic Radicals

The meaning I find in this Holy Week, something I’ve not paid attention to in many years, is that we must examine that which is difficult, the places where we struggle, and the painful places that we try to avoid. This is our way forward, our way to resurrecting ourselves and the Spirit of Life within us that calls us to love and justice and living the life we imagine for ourselves. We must face our doubts and discern when they are useful and when they hold us back and keep us stuck. It’s a fine balance we must strike, a balance of our joys and sorrow, and of the realities and the possibilities of life.